It's all covered here, ladies...
#1 Someone will attempt to drop out the day before.
They'll send a half-hearted message the day before to the group message - "don't think I can make it anymore because I have a sore foot :(" which is where their mistake lies. Send a message to the party planner alone, and all she can do is say 'oh no, that' a shame'. Send a message to the whole group and you'll be bombarded with 'booo, no way!' and 'you have to comeee!' replies that basically make the person feel she has no choice but to attend.
#2 There will be someone who turns up late.
Despite the clearly-stated time and a casual reminder from the party-organiser the night before - "The coach leaves at eleven!" - there will still be one straggler who turns up at least half-an-hour late, breezing in obliviously with a nonchalant shrug when you ask what kept her.
#3 Meeting the group chat members IRL will be a bit weird.
You've never met some of the hens before but having spent months chatting via a WhatsApp group, you feel as if you know them intimately. When you arrive and clock her, you'll sheepishly make eye contact and say 'Are you Alice...?' You fully well know she's Alice, and she knows who you are, too, but will repeat the process out of courtesy, replying: "Yes, I am - Stephanie...? Hi!"
#4 One of the hens will be drunk before the coach leaves.
She'll have stashed a flask of Southern Comfort in her handbag and will call anyone who turns down her pre-9am-shot offer 'boring'.
#5 That said, you will all start drinking the moment the coach pulls off.
Vodka for all...!
#6 There will be some kind of matching accessory issued.
Whether it's a t-shirt, a hoodie, a headband... Something that unites you all - kind of like a uniform for fun. You will keep said item for a long, long time - with it gradually making its way lower and lower down the pecking order until it ends up as your Plan C pyjamas. (To be worn only when all other PJ options are in the wash.)
#7 You will probably have to share a room with someone you've never met before.
You'll either gel instantly or return from the bathroom to find her using your hair straighteners, uninvited, because 'we're sisters now!'.
#8 There will be at least three selfie sticks.
And a minimum of two proposed hashtags. If you're wary of being tagged in photos online, you might want to adjust your social media privacy settings accordingly beforehand.
#9 If there isn't a stripper booked, the hen from point #4 will rope in a random civilian and try to get him to take his clothes.
Things will take an even more awkward turn when he asks, entirely straight-faced, 'how much you got?'.
#10 Things you wouldn't normally think of saying or doing are suddenly #DefinitelyOkay.
Such as sharing that weird sex story, or trying to persuade a random guy behind the bar to give you one of his socks for the Scavenger Hunt the Maid of Honour organised.
#11 Food will be very exciting, at all times.
From a just-arrived snack to dinner with the group, to late-night chips on your way back to the hotel to the excitement of the buffet breakfast the next day...
#12 You will crave a few moments on your own.
Just a few minutes, please - you want to sip a coffee, maybe call your boyfriend and definitely be rid of the deafening cackle of the hen from point #4. Pls. No more. Pls.
#13 You will probably see the bride's mother drunk. Very, very drunk.
It will almost certainly be an amazing sight to behold.
#14 There will be a couple of hens who are a bit less, er, clucky
They'll be the ones sitting in the corner, sipping on cranberry juices and looking significantly at their watches.
#15 The bride will cry at some point
In fact, there'll be a whole spectrum of emotions, spanning from excitement to mild fear. Be equipped to deal with them all - tissues and deep, meaningful advice are both key.
#16 At least one of the items will be issued to each hen:
A feather boa, an L-plate, a penis whistle, a shotglass on a necklace, glowsticks, a sheet outlining dares, a cute temporary tattoo... All the essentials, obvs.
#17 There will be one hen who tries to make everyone down shots, endlessly
No, not the hen from point #4 - she retired to bed hours ago. Rather, this newbie will be chanting 'shots, shots, shots!' as she encourages the bride and random extras recruited at the bar to down tequila.
#18 Time will suddenly disappear.
One minute you'll be dancing to Pitbull's latest song, the next you'll be staggering up the road to get a portion of cheesy chips - and then you'll suddenly be on your bed, trying to find the motivation to remove your make-up and the temporary tattoo you thought it would be clever to apply to your forehead.
#19 You will mysteriously contract 'flu' the next day.
"At least I managed to enjoy last night," you croak bravely as you tuck ravenously into the breakfast buffet the next day. There's no shame in admitting you have a hangover, of course - but don't worry, we believe you. It's definitely flu.
#20 At least one person will be sick on the journey home.
Or at the very least, talk about feeling nauseous so often that everyone else starts to feel unwell too. Despite your best efforts to sleep, you appear to be sitting on top of a wheel, so spend most of the journey feeling very unhappy.
#21 The WhatsApp group will be used to piece things together.
Kind of like detectives looking at a crime scene, a great deal of time and effort will be given to working out what, exactly, happened last night.